The path to controlling your anger and accepting that you’re not always right

A dog is never too old to learn new tricks

You’d think that at my age, I’d stop making stupid mistakes. Oh, sure, at 62 I’ve garnered a lot of wisdom, but as I’ve aged, I’ve learned that, despite having an IQ only a couple of points away from genius and spending a lifetime learning, I’m not always right. I still make mistakes.

Case in point: I was in a left-turn lane, waiting for the light to change. I was more than a dozen cars back, sitting next to the entrance of an inner left-turn lane, with not enough room for other cars to pass. In my rearview mirror, I watched as a car angled to squeeze through. I pulled up as far as I could, and the car inched closer to mine, but there still wasn’t enough space. The truck in front of me must have noticed the situation too, because he pulled forward, allowing me to move up just enough for the car to enter the left-turn lane. As the car crept past me, I felt the agonizing shudder of their car raking against mine.

I expected the car to stop and assess the damage, but instead, they sped off into the distance. I quickly grabbed my phone to take a picture of their license plate, but after fumbling with not-so-nimble fingers, they had pulled too far ahead. As soon as the truck in front of me began to move, I whipped around it and began the pursuit to capture their license plate number. They rounded the corner and, luckily (or perhaps not, as you will soon see), were stopped at yet another light. I slowed down behind them and started snapping pictures of their plate, frantically tapping the screen as I crept alongside them. It was nighttime, and the camera flash went off, prompting them to roll down their window and begin filming me.

I shouted at them that they had hit my car. They said they had not. We argued a bit, and I finally ended the situation, stating, “You know what, I’m going to pull over and check for damage, and if I find any, I will turn you over to the cops.” While I didn’t threaten them, insult them, or exhibit any misguided behavior, I felt angry, and they could sense it.

I pulled into a parking lot and got out to inspect my car. Using the light from my phone, I checked it from front to back and found – nothing. There wasn’t a single spot of evidence that someone had hit my car. The next morning, in full daylight, I examined it again. I even looked on the opposite side, suspecting that someone else might have grazed it while I was preoccupied with the guy on the left. Still, I found no evidence whatsoever of any damage. I had been gravely mistaken.

The incident of course, led to introspection, I had controlled my anger—something I’ve spent years to learn how to do, but still behaved unchristian-like by angrily accusing the guy of a wrongdoing he didn’t commit. I recognized that I might have ruined some guy’s day simply because (1) I misinterpreted the situation and (2) I failed to stay calm and pursue a rational solution to the issue.

How to control anger

Remaining Christian-like and managing your anger

Over the years, I’ve learned how to manage anger and approach volatile situations calmly. This takes practice because anger is an inherent emotion that hits you suddenly and demands rash, quick action. However, with practice, you can learn to suppress that anger.

Recognize situations that trigger anger

To begin, you should consider the situations that trigger your anger. While you may not always be able to avoid these situations, simply recognizing them can help you anticipate and prepare for your feelings. Driving is a common scenario that can lead to angry encounters. Recognize that driving can be volatile, and remind yourself to stay calm while driving – no matter what.

Step away from stressful situations

Second, the old adage to count to ten is true. When you feel angry, it’s important to step away from the situation for a few minutes to help you cool down and gain perspective. In my case, I should have taken a picture of the car’s license plate and addressed the solution after I calmed down.

Actively calm yourself

You can also encourage yourself to actively calm yourself in stressful situations. Breathe deeply, close your eyes, and let your mind slow down while your body relaxes. You’d be surprised at how easy it is to calm down if you just give it a try.

Communicate your thoughts calmly

Learn how to express yourself calmly. Practice conversing with others in a non-confrontational manner. You can be assertive, just not aggressive. This also allows you to learn how to think before you speak and collect your thoughts before you say something you might regret.

Seek solutions, not blame

Teach yourself to seek solutions, not blame. If I had approached the car accident in a manner that sought a solution, rather than hastily blaming the guy for hitting my car, the situation would have certainly been resolved without anyone getting angry or hurt.

Lighten up!

Finally, don’t take everything too seriously. A car accident is not the end of the world, and in fact, it isn’t a big deal if you have insurance. Accidents happen; they’re part of life. Learn to laugh at life’s bizarre moments. It helps defuse tension and reduce stress.

Infallibility, humbleness, and arrogance

Nobody is infallible

Anger almost always is the result of some sort of disagreement. In the example of my supposed auto accident, I was completely convinced that the car struck me. Looking back, I still don’t understand how I could have been mistaken. I was entirely sure that the vehicle had scraped against mine. But the situation could have been avoided if I had considered that, despite my conviction, I could have erred. This was my fundamental mistake in the matter.

No one is immune to making mistakes. We all err, even when we are utterly convinced of what we saw, heard, or understood. Jesus often spoke about the importance of humility and modesty, respect, and understanding that we are fallible. These are traits that are indeed very difficult to maintain.

In many cases, anger and hatred can be avoided if we simply acknowledge that our beliefs, thoughts, and assumptions may not always be correct. It’s essential, especially in today’s polarized environment, to accept that we might be wrong and that others could have a better perspective than we do.

Mistakes teach us valuable lessons.

Accepting that we can be wrong creates opportunities for learning. It opens you up to new ideas and perspectives that, no matter how painful it is to change, are requirements for love and acceptance of others.

Improve decision-making

Accepting that you can be wrong also leads to better decisions, the results of which affect us throughout life. When you accept that you might be wrong, you become more open to alternative viewpoints, which results in being better informed—a requirement for effective decision-making.

Become more resilient and adaptable.

Accepting that you can be wrong acknowledges that mistakes are a part of life. This helps you become more resilient and adaptable, which, of course, allows you to recover more quickly from setbacks and failures.

You’re never too old to gain wisdom.

I may never understand why I felt so certain that the other car had hit me. Perhaps Satan shook my car as the other vehicle passed, laughing when I became so angry. Or maybe God caused my car to shudder, thinking to Himself, “There’s a lesson for you here. Share it with others.”

Image Credits:
• Two people in a heated argument about religion via Wikimedia Commons by David Shankbone with usage type - GNU Free

Featured Image Credit:
• Two people in a heated argument about religion via Wikimedia Commons by David Shankbone with usage type - GNU Free